Steps to a Better Me: How to Lose Like a Winner
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Some time ago, a client wanted to share with me a win, and it went like this: She had applied for a position, that she did not get; the end. That was her win and I was left dumbfounded for a moment because it didn’t seem like a win to me, but when she explained that she felt exceptional to have even been considered amongst a pool of highly qualified candidates, it all made sense.
“She had applied for a position, that she did not get; the end. That was her win.”
On the surface, she lost the position, but a few layers beneath that she won a charge of confidence, motivation and indicators, letting her know that she is on the right path. With her permission to share that, I now say, that’s how you lose like a winner.
“That’s how you lose like a winner.”
Setbacks are a part of Life
Fact of the matter is that no one wins all the time and the quicker we understand that, the better poised we become to handle the multitude of setbacks, disappointments, failures (whatever you want to call it) that come our way.
“Setbacks set the stage for our comeback.”
I assume that, by now, we all have experienced the impact that our setbacks have on the shape of our ‘bigger picture’. They show up areas that need work, or areas that we had not even noticed, until that point in time; they show us who our true supporters are; and setbacks set the stage for our comeback.
A ‘loss’ may not mean what you think it means
Back to that client and her ‘win’. Let’s think about it, in terms of perspective, which, according to dictionary.cambridge.org, perspective is “a particular way of viewing things that depends on one’s experience and personality.” She could’ve only seen the obvious result, in front of her, at that time, which was her not getting the position, but her perspective didn’t allow that.
A shift in perspective can add new meaning to what you’re facing and with that there can be new meaning to be found in the outcomes experienced. The best part is that you get to choose how you take it.
“A shift in perspective can add new meaning to what you’re facing“
We’re not supposed to win at everything
There’s a quote that goes, “still seas don’t make great sailors” and this is relevant when it comes to identifying our strengths and weaknesses. When we experience something that is less than the win we desired, opportunities for growth arise. Take a look at what weaknesses show up and enhance them. Conversely, take a look at your strengths and exploit them.
Try to see these moments as character building moments. Moments that help to build resilience and steer you toward satisfactory results. In doing so, you may just find yourself performing with greater competence and efficacy.
“When we experience something that is less than the win we desired, opportunities for growth arise.“
Regroup, restructure and restart
One of the most destructive things that comes out of setbacks is taking them personally. That disappointing feeling tends to trigger emotional responses that can leave us stuck or not wanting to get back in the race but eventually, we have to make a choice, in relation to what comes next.
Think of this decision in terms of it being one that you can live with, 5 years from now. You can either quit, or you can regroup, restructure and restart.
“You can either quit, or you can regroup, restructure and restart.”
Go easy on yourself
Ultimately, no matter the reason you end up not achieving your target, an approach of compassion, for yourself, is necessary. Keep in mind that setbacks are a part of life, and that one, two or a few do not define who you are, your capabilities and where you are destined to be. What does define these things are your perspectives, accepting that we can’t win at everything, and your ability to regroup, restructure and restart.